Guys! I almost forgot to post this today! Crisis averted, though. We can now move on with our regularly scheduled weekends. Is it hot where you are? Everyone seems to be complaining about how hot it is outside, but none of us in Portland have any idea what you’re even talking about, since we’re all basically wearing sweaters through July. ENOUGH SMALL TALK. Let’s talk Grilled Tuna Rolls.
No Fishy Business
Filed under Burgers & Sandwiches
The Beauty and Danger of Omar Khayyam
Since tonight is my night to cook, I will be subjecting my roommates to Gwyneth’s Grilled Tuna Rolls, whether they like it or not. We’ll see how it goes! I’m cautiously optimistic. But seeing as I won’t have anything to report until tomorrow, this means today you are forced to endure my random, completely tangential musings. My friends are surely going to shout, “Off-topic, off-topic!” at me, but I make the Blog Rules around here. And today, I’m thinking we should talk wine.
Filed under Non-Gwyneth
Death to the Timetable!
Good lord, I am just awful at blogging. Just the worst. I wish the reason for my absence was something exciting. For example, perhaps I’ve been in New York, meeting with producers and casting the leads for “Danny & Gwyneth.” Or maybe I had gone undercover for the tell-all book I’m writing, exposing the secrets of a cult. But really, the reason for the lack of updates is that I’ve had various other people cooking fantastic meals for me the last few days, so I haven’t had to do a lick of work in the kitchen since before the weekend. (These meals have included, but have not been limited to: pulled pork tacos from Kevin, Martha Stewart-inspired lemon roast chicken from Sam, burgers from Kevin again, and a really, really ridiculously good pancake with berry compote and sausage, egg, and grits souffle brunch courtesy of Lindsey). Which is great for me! But terrible for the blog. Continue reading
Filed under Gwyneth Miscellania
Survey Results! (Sort Of.)
First of all, let’s get this out of the way: I am extremely tired. I may be dying. You see, I went to the midnight premiere of the final Harry Potter movie last night, and it was so great! Like, the movie itself was pretty good, but also it’s just fun to go to midnight premieres. Especially when they’re full of 15-year-old nerds. I also learned quite a few things about my friend Brendan, who, it turns out, is a total badass. Continue reading
Filed under GOOP, Non-Gwyneth
DO: Take the Danny/Gwyneth Project Reader Survey!
The new GOOP is here, everyone! And we got SCREWED, because instead of giving us delightful tips on fashion or the finest London fishmongers or whatever, Gwyneth is instead asking US to do something for HER. BOOOOOOOO. It’s the first-ever GOOP reader survey! And, of course, it’s slightly pretentious. For example, the question, “What do you visit GOOP for?” (terrible English, by the way) requires two answers. Because everyone visits GOOP for not only one, but TWO reasons! And “I do it ironically,” isn’t even on the list! So 95% of GOOP’s readership has been forced to lie. (I should also note that in the “favorite website” section, I listed my own website three times. Hi, Gwyneth!)
And, you know what? If today is survey day in the Paltrow household, it’s survey day for me, too. So fill out my survey! Let’s get to know each other better! Or don’t. You don’t have to tell me about yourself if you don’t want. I don’t care. I’m not really going to USE this information for anything, other than curiosity’s sake. And possibly against you in a court of law.
Filed under GOOP
Cooking For Cults
Well, everyone, the cooking has returned. Are we excited? Get excited! Thank you to everyone who voted over the weekend. If you were to tally the votes now, I think Duck Ragu is actually the winner, but when I tallied the votes earlier in the weekend I had Fish Tacos ahead of the pack, so Fish Tacos are what I made. My indifference to the rules makes me the Florida of cooking blogs.
We will get to the cooking in a minute, but first, a rather bizarre story (which means lots of words, almost no pictures. Whoops!): Continue reading
Filed under Main Courses
A Long, Self-Indulgent Dispatch From a Vacation, Part Four: Florence
And then we come to the end. The final part of our Italian trip, and the last of my excuses to prolong my return to the Danny/Gwyneth Project. (Actually, I have already returned: Last night was fish tacos, and holy shit was it an interesting meal. We had some special guests, but you’ll have to wait to hear about it.) It was fun while it lasted, though, right? But we flew too close to the sun, and now we must fall back to Earth. Or something. This portion of the trip, I assumed, would surely be less insane than the previous three — surely falling in a Venetian canal would have to signal the end of the insanity, right? Of course, that’s never the case in Italy, as Florence had a few surprises up its sleeves. Continue reading
Filed under Italy, Non-Gwyneth
The Return of the Project
So, I still have to post my fourth and final dispatch from Italy (I’m waiting to steal some pictures, because I apparently just stop taking photographs halfway through the trip), but in the meantime, shall we resume the Danny/Gwyneth Project? Since we’ve been off-topic for, like, 100 years?
I actually “cooked” a “recipe” last night. But it’s a re-do, because Sam requested more Margarita Granita this weekend, so I whipped those up and threw them in the freezer, to enjoy after work. I’m willing to bet you anything that, once this project is completed, the recipe I make more than any other is the granita. I don’t want to think about what this says about me or my drinking habits.
I had also planned on cooking something tonight, something small, to ease me back on the wagon, but even the simplest of recipes call for the strangest ingredients, and I couldn’t find them all on my grocery run. So, I will need to do some hunting this weekend, I’m sure. Ah, yes. This is the Project I’m remembering. To quote Inspector Clouseau, “It’s all coming back to me.” What a nightmare.
BUT! You can help me with this nightmare! Now’s your chance to influence the Danny/Gwyneth Project. Below are some options of what I should cook next, which YOU can vote on in the comments. (Small print: I reserve the right to not listen to any of you, if the ingredients prove too impossible to procure. Cooking will most likely occur on Sunday.)
Anyway, here are some options, off the top of my head, because I don’t have the book in front of me (feel free to write-in your own candidates if I’ve forgotten something you’ve particularly been wanting to see). Please, have pity on me.
- Duck Ragu
- Tuna & Ginger Burgers
- Turkey Bolognese
- Fish Tacos
- Grilled Lobster or something
- Brisket
So, there we go. Some choices that I pulled out of thin air. I thought of a few more, but vetoed them on account of the recipes requiring duck bacon, which needs to be shipped to me, and D’Artagnan doesn’t deliver on the weekends. Anyway, vote away in the comments!
And, on an unrelated note, a new food blog has been born (because we need more of those, right?)! Well, kind of born. It’s more of a preemie baby right now. But a lot of funny people are getting together to write about dumb foods, so you should probably follow us on Twitter until the website actually, like, debuts. (And, while you’re at it, why not follow me on Twitter, too?)
Filed under Gwyneth Miscellania
A Long, Self-Indulgent Dispatch From a Vacation, Part Three: Venice and the Emergency Room
So, we’re back after the weekend. Did everyone have a great Fourth of July? (Sorry, non-American readers. And by that, I mean I’m sorry you don’t love FREEDOM as much as us.) My weekend was fantastic! Just a really, really solid weekend. And, fear not, I am finally settled into my new place — and more importantly, my new kitchen — so Gwyneth recipes will continue shortly. Good news for you, terrible news for me. (On a related note, here is a sampling of the types of things I had to pack up and move from my old kitchen to my new: Vegenaise, three different kinds of flour, a big bottle of fish sauce, frozen duck fat. What has my life become?) Anyway, let’s talk about Italy some more! Continue reading
Filed under Italy, Non-Gwyneth
A Brief Update to Yesterday’s Post
(With thanks to Nikki for finally posting her pictures.)
A two-part photo series showing illicit activity in Pompeii:
That is all.
Filed under Italy, Non-Gwyneth
The Danny/Gwyneth Project 