Let’s give this a shot.
I write to you from my phone, connecting through the hotel’s spotty wifi. If you’re reading this, a miracle has occurred.
Currently I am lounging on our hotel terrace in Positano, sunburned and resting after a day spent exploring the island of Capri. I’ve got a glass of wine, and I’m basically as content as a human can be.
To help you set the scene, I have attached a photo of the view from our hotel room (maybe? I have no idea how any of this is going to work). It is designed to be cruel and make you jealous, SORRY. I never pretended to be a good person.
Anyway, how are you doing? Well, I hope. Good to see you haven’t broken the blog while I’ve been away. Do not fear, a MASSIVE post-Italy recap is planned. Too much insane stuff has already happened. (Teaser: A man, looking not unlike Ron Jeremy, may have propositioned me at a bar on the first night. The line, “I’ll get a hotel room and give you the night of your life,” was spoken.)
But for now, I have to go to dinner, and then to what promises to be the cheesiest club in Europe. I hope you are well, even if I have no idea who you are.
The Danny/Gwyneth Project 
It worked! Glad you’re enjoying your awesome vacation. I’ve been exactly where you are and have pictures of that same yellow dome. Fun times. (And as Nancy Reagan said: Just Say No to Ron Jeremy Lookalikes!)
You are hateful. Gwyneth will be proud.
Yup, Jealous.
I can’t even describe the amount of jealousy I’m experiencing… It’s… it’s just too much.
I ate the rest of your stupid duck cassoulet.
If you come back with a pizza oven, you are dead to me.
Hmmm..yeah, the word jealous comes to mind. What a pretty view! Enjoy the rest of your trip 🙂
After reading through your post, whenever I see this initial pic, I think of Ron Jeremy and suddenly, I stop being so jealous… 😉